it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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