I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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