Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize