I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
