i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
