It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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