She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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