SEEEEXXX PLEASE
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
