Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
