Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
