i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
