He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
