I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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