She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
