Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
