Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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