textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
did i walk over a car last night?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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