I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
