Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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