all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I love you.
Bad choice
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
