I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
