Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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