what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
