I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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