Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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