What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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