Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So much rum. So many feels.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
