my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
