One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
