did you get engaged???
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
