I hate all girls vehemently.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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