And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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