Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
