Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
