Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i dont even know how to be here
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
