he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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