Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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