2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
