so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
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For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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