Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
