He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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