Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
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Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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