like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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