I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
