I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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