3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
