It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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