I want to make a zoo with you.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
