there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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