I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
