I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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