...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
