So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
