So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
