oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just pynch a tree in the face
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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