I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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