Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
