I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
50% drunk capacity currently
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
