i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
