one two three fourrrrnication!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I could fuck to npr.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
