I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
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