it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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