My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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