i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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